I’m pregnant!! We are VERY excited about this baby. We fasted, prayed and attended the temple and felt very strongly that someone was still missing from our family. It was still a pretty hard decision though. We were pretty comfortable with our family of 5. I wasn't feeling excitement over being pregnant again or the two years of not having my body to myself, but after sitting in the temple one day, I sort of had an "awakening." I was praying to know if we should have a fourth and voicing concerns to my Heavenly Father. My concerns were big and small. The big included whether or not I was suited to be a mother of four when I often felt overwhelmed with the three. Every mother is hard on herself but on bad days I sometimes thought that my children would be better off in day care than with me.
My smaller concerns included not having enough bedrooms or having to use the third row in our car to go anywhere. Silly, but still concerning. While I was praying I pretty much heard a voice tell me "this is what you are here to do. You are here to serve your family and others. It's not all about you. It's about your family and what's best for your family." I think I had always known there was a fourth child up there waiting to join our family, but was too preoccupied and selfish to bring him/her here. I learned that day that even though it will be hard, it will also be rewarding and ultimately what is best for my family. Also, we've been feeling a little sad for Sadie. She's kind of become the "odd man out" being our only girl with Jack and George being such good buddies as well. Sadie is DYING to have a sister and I guess this is our last (and hopefully successful) attempt at making all her dreams come true.
Most signs are pointing to another girl. I’ve done all the “old wives tale” methods of trying to figure out the gender but after I learned the heart rate was around 180, I had higher hopes for a girl. Higher heart rates usually mean a girl is in there. Every night (almost) Sadie has a mini tantrum over the fact that she’s the “only girl in the family” and can’t stand her “stinky little brothers.” Maybe we’re “feeding the cat” by giving her exactly what she wants, but I really feel every girl needs at least one sister. I feel so fortunate to have three!!
This pregnancy also feels a lot like my first "girl" pregnancy. I feel REALLY nauseated but still haven’t thrown up. When I was pregnant with the boys, I threw up all the time. Sadie only made me vomit three times the whole pregnancy and usually they were travel induced. One of them being when I went to visit Emily in New Hampshire and she was an hour late to pick me up and then got lost on the way back to her house from the airport. After being lost in the New Hampshire woods for about three hours and calling Chase to map quest us out of oblivion, did I finally throw up out the moving car window around the corner of her house (around 2 a.m.) Good times. I really can’t blame Sadie for that one. This baby makes me feel REALLY sick, but usually only in the late afternoon, evenings. I’m grateful for that. My friend had to have her mom stay with her for two months because every time she stood up, she’d vomit. Poor thing. I'm not that bad at all! We do call our baby “little parasite” because it’s kind of making me feel like I caught something in Mexico.
I'm having a harder time concealing this pregnancy. I'm showing WAY earlier than I did with the other three and don't really feel like telling people until I have past the "out of the woods" three month mark. I actually had a little scare last week. Chase had a cousin in town and he wanted to see Austin. Chase thought a canoe ride would be fun and I agreed knowing it would be good for me to get out into the fresh air. This past month has consisted of me moping around the house trying to entertain the three children until Dad gets home to rescue us all! Being sick is hard on everyone, but I especially feel bad for the kiddos. Their summer hasn't been too much fun. Most of my friends have left for the summer too, so I don't have many people to help me when all I feel like doing is staying in bed all day.
So while we were waiting for an available canoe, I felt a little gush of something come out of me and after checking, realized I was actually bleeding. Blood and pregnancy usually mean “miscarriage” so while trying to remain calm, I kindly told the family to take Peter canoeing while I sat in the car to talk with the on-call doctor. It was a pretty emotional moment in that blazing hot car. It’s amazing how attached you become to these little beings before they're even born. I had already suffered nearly a month of nausea and the thought of having to do it all over again with a new pregnancy was almost too much to bear.
It was a Saturday which meant the doctor’s office was closed so I would either have go to the emergency room, or wait until Monday morning until they opened again. Waiting seemed like torture, but the emergency room seemed even worse, so I waited until Monday to go in for another ultra sound. I dropped the older kids off at a birthday party and took George with me to the Dr. where Chase was waiting for me. They made me wait in that waiting room FOREVER!! I’m sorry, but if you know a woman is literally at her wits end wondering whether or not the fetus inside her had died, you don’t make her wait and hour before hooking her up to the ultra sound machine. I was thinking at that point that maybe the emergency room had been the better choice.
The Dr. finally came in and reassured me that the baby was ok after seeing the little peanut’s heart moving on the screen. I tried to remain calm, but I was so flooded with overwhelming joy that I just burst into tears. Chase just held me and we cried there together after the doctor left the room. It really is amazing what a fragile and miraculous period of time pregnancy is. It’s truly marvelous that any of us ever survived gestation and birth after all that could possibly go wrong. I absolutely cherish this little parasite of mine. I’m hoping we have no more complications in the months to follow. I don’t think my little heart could handle any more dramatics at the moment. I’ll take nausea ANY DAY as long as I know “she’s” healthy and growing strong.
So even though I'm a nauseated mess, can't stand to eat anything and haven't made dinner for over a month, I am so incredibly grateful for this baby. Our last baby. I'm so excited to smell it's head and rub it's soft feet and feel it's warmth next to me at 3 a.m. I'm excited to finally have my entire family here on earth.
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