Basically we are living in remodel hell. That's a whole other post, so I won't get to into it. Just know that it's pretty awful and we're living in a paint fume infested, dusty, and dirty home right now. But also know that we chose to do this for the betterment of our home, so it's our fault we're so miserable. To get away from the chaos I go walking with my buddies. They have seriously saved me through this whole ordeal. We spend quite a bit of time either at the pool or on these walks. They're amazing company and just LOOK at this scenery. I love Austin!!
Liza and George are my walking cargo. They're pretty awesome to sit in that stroller and sweat it out with me!! Sometimes Liza needs a little front pack loving. I guess she wanted to be sweatier!
And when we aren't sweating with friends, we get wet in other ways!
George and Ryder caught Emily and me on a giving day. We let them ride the Zilker Zepher!! They loved it!
Kiker Keynote concerts!! Love our little Sadie Lady and that big smile. She sure stands out in that crowd of kids! What a doll!
Jack rocked Track and Field day!
But he didn't rock the fireplace.
Climbed up there and couldn't get down. It was WAY too high!!
Sunday Shenanigans!
I'm one of "those moms" that takes pictures of the kids during the primary program!
Sadie learned how to make bread in the bread maker. We call it Sadie's Sunday bread because she makes it for us to eat after church every week!
I'm not one for school projects. In fact I basically loathe them. At least after documenting Jack with his class owl Oscar, I got some pretty handsome pictures of him after the week was done!
This guy seems to be traveling a lot lately. It's funny to think about the first trip he took when I had just the two kids. We went to California to take the Bar Exam and left me in Virginia for a week. I thought I would DIE!!! I cried all the time because I missed him so much and the two kids seemed soooooo overwhelming at the time. Especially with Jack only being a few months old. Life just seemed ridiculously hard when he was out of town.
Well now when he travels, it sucks, but it's not nearly as hard on me as it used to be. I still get overwhelmed but only because 4 kids is a lot and it's usually at the end of the day when I am trying to get ALL of them to bed!!
I had to congratulate myself this time around. I took the kids to the Thinkery. We ate at Torchy's (something I NEVER would have been brave enough to do with just two kids), and had other adventures like making paper boats and floating them down slaughter creek. So even though it's terribly not fun when Dad's out of town, we get by with a little help from Distraction!
George really loved the water tables at the Thinkery. He could have spent the whole day here!
Our Liza Lou is always such a trooper with whatever we come up with to keep everyone else entertained!
We got the idea of making these paper boats from good old Curious George. What he failed to mention is that paper disintegrates in water so you'll only get a few good runs with your boat before it totally falls apart! Next time we are making them out of wax paper! Thanks for NOTHING Margaret Ray!
Who needs Dad when you can do fun stuff like this?
Me!!! I do!! I DOOOOO!!!
I hate it when he's gone, ESPECIALLY when we do fun stuff like this. He makes it ever MORE fun!
Occasionally I will embarrass my children by strapping on the rollerblades, somehow fitting two helmets and Macro scooter onto the stroller and wheeling down to Kiker with George to pick them up from school. I've got to relish the time I can still pick them up like this before they start making me drop them off a block down the street. I remember Nick was so embarrassed by my parents squeaky brakes, he always had them drop him off a block before the school. Squeaky brakes I tell ya! Middle school social suicide right there!
Embarrassing? What? I don't know what your'e talking about!!
This is what my hair looks like after drying from the shower in a wet high bun for a few days. It's too humid to do anything else!!
Probably not as embarrassing as taking a razor in the shower and just barely missing your skin as you shave a perfectly straight line into your scalp. Way to go George! You've never looked better!!
Wait, I lied! George in his sister's raincoat and bonnet are WAY more embarrassing. Good thing he doesn't care at the ripe age of three. He was far more interested in the raging floods below us in our own Circle C. These floods were NO JOKE. Houses were swept up from their foundations and some people even died in the nearby town of Wimberly. These storms freak me out. Tornado warnings aren't my favorite either. I love Texas, but I HATE tornado warnings!
I do love rainbows though. This one came out on a particularly hard day. A combination of stuff was getting me down. Our home renovations were getting WAY out of control. I was having trouble with a friend and I was also pretty bummed about the new LDS church policy not allowing children of gay parents to get baptized. This could be a whole other blog post too! I have always noticed that whenever I need answers and they don't come, God somehow makes me feel better. That day, it was this rainbow. So many meanings in a rainbow. Gay pride? Sure. But for me that day, the rainbow meant that even though I'm confused by so many things right now, and my heart is aching for a time of innocence, God is real. He loves me and knew that I needed to see a rainbow just to let me now he's there and everything else will make sense eventually. I just need to be patient and I'm ok with that for now.
I couldn't escape the news and social media though. I felt like FB was blowing everything WAY out of proportion. Great members of the church were being attacked and other great members were signing off the Mormon church for good. It was literally breaking my heart to see some of my friends leaving over this policy change.
On the flip side, I was still so confused and even a bit angry. Why punish the children for the sins of their parents. "We believe that men will be punished for their own sin, and not for Adam's transgression?" Did we really believe that? The scripture "suffer the little children that they come to me and FORBID THEM NOT, for such is the kingdom of heaven" was running through my mind all day. So much of what I had been taught was being contradicted! I spent a lot of time on the phone with siblings, my Dad and having one-on-one conversations with my friends and Chase. I just HAD to make sense of what this meant for me and all these people of this church who may or may not have family members that are LGBT. I also felt ashamed. I hate to say it but that "Big and Spacious Building" was looking pretty GINORMOUS and I couldn't help but wonder what my kid's school teachers thought of me knowing that I am a member of such an "exclusive" church. I thought of my neighbors. People I car pool with. Do they think I'm a bigot? Am I am bigot? Am I fraternizing with an organization of bigotry?
I saw so many times on FB "this is the last straw!" People had put up with the church and their "policies" for far too long. So many were leaving!! And so many were defending what they believed, only to be shot down by people they thought were friends with shocking FB rebuttals. I hated seeing such discord on the internet among our church members. Everything had gone "hay wire" within 24 hours. It was crazy!! Forget JFK being assassinated!! Mormons won't let children of gay parents get baptized!!
The negative comments I was reading and the articles that popped onto my feed were enough to keep me silent for a few days but I finally couldn't take it anymore. I had to say something!! Those that were outraged by the policy were changing their profile picture to a rainbow. I wasn't outraged to the point of leaving negative comments on other's walls, but I was outraged by the amount of hate floating around. It was ridiculous. So I changed my profile picture too but wanted everyone to know why. I studied, pondered and wrestled with this policy. It didn't take me long to come to this conclusion........Love. That's ALLLLLLLLL that matters!! I don't feel like writing all my thoughts out over again, but I do want to remember what I believed at the time. So here's what I wrote on FB. I was hoping it would not only clarify things for me but also for my friends and neighbors.
" I want it to be clear to my neighbors, friends and family (including many who are LGBT) that I believe in my savior Jesus Christ. I have a testimony of the restoration of his gospel, I love his church. But I also need everyone to know that despite what standards this church has, love and "fairness to all" is very important to me. I don't fully understand all the decisions the apostles and prophets make (or have made), but I truly believe that the more we love, serve, and try to understand one another, the better we will be as a community and the closer we will be to our Savior. Nothing good comes from hating. Changing my profile picture does not mean I support the practice of gay marriage, it only means that in this time of confusion, I support my friends, my community and my church leaders who are struggling with the discord that these decisions bring. When you see my face and the face of my husband encompassed by a rainbow, let that lead you know I believe in LOVE. I don't judge. I have no right to. I feel sadness for my LGBT friends and I want to wrap my arms around all of them. And I believe that when I die and my life is summed up at the "pearly gates", I will hopefully be able to say I LOVED and was kind. That is why I believe we are here. To forget ourselves, to serve one another and become more like Jesus Christ. When I see a rainbow, I don't necessarily think of the flag or the pride behind it. I think of an all knowing and loving Heavenly Father who creates rainbows to put a smile on our faces and warm our hearts after a day of dark and dreary rain. Rainbows direct our eyes upwards. There's a reason for that!
I also think it's important that we separate doctrine from policy here. Sometimes someone hears something like "God will never allow the church to be lead astray" and automatically assume that it's doctrine. I'm not sure who said that statement a million years ago but I certainly don't believe it's "doctrine." We forget that men are fallible and imperfect. We all make decisions and are responsible for those decisions. Some are great decisions (letting girls go on missions at 19) and others are bad decisions (in my opinion). Some think a prophet can't make a mistake and that would make him perfect. This is wrong to believe. Only Christ is perfect.
.....( I have since figured out who quoted this a "million years ago". It was Wilford Woodruff. And actually he said "God will never allow ME or any leader of the church to lead YOU astray." He didn't say the "church." He said "YOU." This is profound. It all goes back to agency. We might hear something that we TOTALLY disagree with from the pulpit. Does that me we let go of the rod and head out into the mist of darkness? If that's what we want to do, I guess. But the point is. WE decide. Not our leaders. If we are to be lead astray it's because WE made that choice. WE hold onto the rod despite the chauvinist bishop, the YW president who seems to always have a mote in her eye, the clique of women who gossip in RS , and even the primary children who bully you to the degree of never wanting to go to church again. We hold on because WE won't let these people get in our way of happiness.)
Sustaining a prophet does not mean we follow blindly off a cliff. That would be a cult which is something we are NOT. Sustaining a prophet and its leaders means we support them in the difficult task they have in leading a very large church. We are kind to them. We pray for them. We don't rally against them but that doesn't mean we have to completely agree with everything they say or do.
In 1 Nephi we read about Lehi's family is in the wilderness and their struggles to obtain food after Nephi broke his bow. What's surprising and often overlooked in these chapters is that Lehi, their prophet also begins to murmur . I was teaching my 11 year olds in primary the other day and I stopped them after we read about these murmurings. I wanted to point out to them that a prophet of God had just murmured and made a mistake. I also explained to them that this is ok. When Lehi murmured, I'm pretty sure that Nephi didn't say "That's it!! Our prophet made a mistake!! The church must not be true. I don't have a testimony anymore. I'm leaving!" He probably recognized his father's frustrations with hunger and also his struggle with mortality. That's right. Mortality. Because Lehi, Nephi, Alma, Peter, President Kimball. President Hinckley and President Monson are mortal beings here on earth, learning just like we are how to become more like Christ. They struggle just like we do. If they didn't, they wouldn't need to be here. All mankind (including prophets) are here to learn, grow, make mistakes and use the atonement to return to our Father in Heaven. I think once we can realize that although prophets are chosen of God, hold His priesthood keys, and are wonderful men who dedicate their lives to His service; they are also allowed a bad day every once in a while. Just because a prophet says something, or does something that doesn't float your boat, doesn't mean the church isn't true. It just means, he's human, just like the rest of us.
We are encouraged to "experiment upon the word" and that's one of the many reasons I love The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We can ask the lord ourselves and are encouraged to do so.
When I lived in San Diego, the prophet asked us to defend marriage by knocking on people's doors and demonstrating with signs on the streets for Proposition 8. I wrestled with this. I didn't feel comfortable that we were asked from the pulpit to donate money and vote a certain way. I believe in the plan of salvation. I believe in the family but I also believe in agency. I love the hymn "every souls is free. To choose his life and what will be. For this eternal truth is given that God will force NO MAN to heaven. He'll call persuade, direct aright and bless with wisdom, love and light. In nameless ways be good and kind, but NEVER force the human mind....".
It personally didn't feel right to me or my husband to try to persuade others to vote for something we now call "unconstitutional." This is why we have the Holy Ghost. We can choose for ourselves what we feel is right. I had been a missionary once and had knocked on hundreds of doors to spread "the good news." Prop 8 did not seem like very good news to me and that's just not something I felt my Heavenly Father personally wanted me to do. Others felt differently and I applaud them for following what they believed to be right. I'm not perfect either and I have NO right to judge and hope that those who feel differently than me will allow me the same consideration.
Doctrine is doctrine and policy is policy. Church and state are important to consider here too. The church has to protect itself and its doctrine. These policies they put in place are to protect the church, its members and the gospel which is always something we should sustain and defend! The beauty of it all is we have doctrine, we have scripture, we have the gospel and we have the Holy Ghost. The Lord has given us these tools to guide us through this life. And during this time of hurt and confusion, I'm grateful for these tools more than ever!
People are still pretty upset about the policy but for now I'm letting it rest. I have to. It's the only way I can make sense of it all. Instead I have to worry about my poor house. I never got around to taking "before and after" pictures because a week after the workers packed up and left the house, our water heater flooded the whole place at 1:30 in the morning. Everything was ruined. Months of renovations and MUCHO $$$ was completely destroyed. All of a sudden, the church policy didn't matter as much anymore.
The flood happened the same night as the Paris terrorist attacks. Chase and I watched CNN until midnight and with heavy hearts went to bed not knowing we'd be shockingly awakened my the sound of rain in our home a few hours later. Social Media was inundated with images of bloodied bodies, haunting reports from survivors, and threats of more attacks to come. Syrian refugees seemed to be everywhere as well. Thousands of people displaced from their tumultuous country of war. I felt like there was news everywhere of mayhem, sadness, and devastation. And that week a woman in our Austin ward and an old friend from San Diego both committed suicide. It was turning out to be one hell of a week!
As I ran around the house that night trying to fill up buckets with water, and preserve what little I could, I eventually just gave up. At 2 a.m. there were firemen everywhere trying to turn off our water. George playing in all the puddles. Water was coming through both ceilings and all the light fixtures. It was chaotic, horrible and truly a nightmare. After the firemen finally figured how to turn off our water, they left us to grieve in our misery. Fans and dehumidifiers were on their way with the insurance adjuster. I finally had time to figure out what the heck was going on!! I felt sick! I was almost to the point of vomiting due to the literal shock of being woken up to a waterfall in my home. Chase told me to go to bed while he waited up for the next shift of people. I tried to sleep, but just couldn't! I knew I needed to so I could take care the kids in a few short hours, but sleep just wouldn't come.
I kept thinking about EVERYTHING!! The flood, the church, the terrorist, the dead bodies, our world. Not to sound like a martyr, but the ONLY way I could sleep was to forget about my small corner of the world that is usually pretty carefree and full to the brim of blessings, and pray for all these people around the world suffering WAY more than me. It was a HUGE wake-up call. Literally!! Sleep wouldn't come unless I started counting all my blessings, and naming them "one by one" to my Heavenly Father. Not sure why, but God needed to flood my house to get me down on my knees. I'm not blaming the flood on Him by any means. Just recognizing that sometimes you have to be truly stripped down to a bra-less nightgown in front of all the firemen at 2 a.m.to remember what life is all about. So there I was, just praying and praying some more.
It went on for a while. I thanked Him for everything. My family, their health, my amazing children, my supportive husband who was letting me sleep, our home (even with all the destruction), cars to drive, food to eat, clothes to wear, and our free country. I wasn't in a wheel chair. I wasn't a Syrian refugee. I wasn't in Paris during the attacks. I live in beautiful Austin. And the whole time I was praying I kept thinking "HOLY MOLY!! I AM SOOOOOOOO BLESSED!!!!!" Sure there are holes in my ceilings, and a draft coming in from the roof, but guess what? I HAVE A ROOF!! I had become lazy in my prayers of thanksgiving. It's funny how desperation brings everything to the surface again. I knew there was a long road ahead to getting our house put back together. I knew it was going to be miserable at times with these kids and a nursing infant, but gratitude took over. It could be worse. MUCH worse!
That night after my long prayer, I finally fell asleep. I woke up later that morning to the smell of pancakes and there in the kitchen was my Chase feeding the kids their breakfast. He hadn't slept at all and there he was flipping pancakes! I sat at the table with him, looked into his eyes and started to weep. More gratitude! I asked him "How are you so good?" I'll probably spend my whole life figuring out this question. How did I get this guy for my husband? I certainly don't deserve his kindness, but he still freely gives it. He's my everything and I could easily spend a night on my knees thanking God just for him.
After our pancakes we took the kids on a walk to the playground. We had to get out of the house and away from the noise of all the industrial fans! Baby girl fell asleep on the way there. Looking at her peaceful face was yet another heavenly reminder that we were going to be ok. Staring at that sleeping angel baby is better than any therapy out there!
Those blasted dehumidifiers made the house HOT and LOUD!! I was torturous to be inside and we would leave the house as much as possible tose four days they were drying the place out. The kid's rooms were still pretty intact but the carpet had to be ripped out. Luckily we still had a lot of extra carpet left in the garage. We laid those pieces down in strips and other rugs we had around the floors upstairs to make it a little more comfortable and cover up any nails around the sub floor. Everyone around us was very kind and offered meals for our family, care packages and play dates for the kids. Everytime someone showed up with helping hands I would always get emotional.
After being told by the contractor that we would have to move out of the house, we started looking for rental properties nearby. I knew the Lord was watching over us because we got a phone call from the Gordons in our ward telling us that we could stay in their home when they move to Arizona to look for a new job. It was the perfect scenario for both families. We needed a place to stay close to the school and they needed someone to cover their mortgage while there were away. The insurance adjuster approved the price and we planned to move in after the holidays. We love the Gordons and their house is beautiful, but even with holes in our ceilings, it wouldn't feel like Christmas unless we were home. So we're in our home for the next month and plan to move out on New Years day. Hopefully we'll be back to our own stomping grounds faster than they predict. I want Liza to take her first steps at Tracton Lane!
