Hyperventilating and a little nesting

I got a new job.  I'm working at Hinzman and Associates and they were kind enough to give me a job even though I'm the "large marge" prego lady and pretty pathetic to say the least.  Finding a job here has been such a struggle!  I can't tell you how many interviews I've had.  At first I would try to hide the belly but after a few months I had to tell the interviewers that I would be having a baby in May which pretty much says "I'm only useful to you for a few months and then I'm splitting."  I'm grateful to be pregnant but geez, it is hard to find a job.  I feel totally handicapped!  Hinzman hired me just for tax season which is perfect because Sadie is coming right after that.  My fancy shmancy BA from the University of Utah got me a job filing papers, and mailing the said papers to clients.  I feel super special!!  The best part about the job search was being told I couldn't be a teller at a bank because I didn't have previous experience.  So they're telling me that the teenager behind the counter is a better candidate because he's had two months of experience?  RIDICULOUS!

 

This job is actually WAY better than my last one (that fired me because I was pregnant...I should sue) because I'm actually pretty busy. This CPA firm is very busy and they keep me quite occupied most of the time. The only problem is that even though I graduated from college, the high school teller at the bank is probably more dependable because he doesn't have a baby inside sucking all his brain cells out.  They call it "pregnancy brain" and I've got it!! Oh well, I'm pretty used to feeling "out of it" these days.  I can't count the times I have had a dyslexic moment or said something totally stupid.  Sometimes when I am trying to say one sentence, even a short one, it takes me like thirty seconds to get my thoughts organized.  This drives Chase crazy, he will always do these hand motions implying that I need to "keep it coming, spit it out", or "any time now."  The worst is that I've heard that I don't regain my lost or "stolen" brain cells.  I will just get dumber with every pregnancy, however I think I've decided this will be the last one for a very long time.  As of today the 20th of March, I never want to be pregnant again! But don't let my woes of pregnancy scare you.  There have been some wonderfully spiritual times as well that I wouldn't give up for anything.  It's amazing to have a growing human being living inside of you...INCREDIBLE!!! 

 

So I was reading my weekly update email from Pregnancy Weekly and they had a whole article on labor and delivery.  I was also reading about this in my "What to Expect When You're Expecting" book. I was at work and started to hyperventilate.  I seriously couldn't breath!  I know it's good to be informed but I have never been one for pain, needles, or blood and was a sorry sight in front of my computer.  Here I am at work, breathing quite heavily with tears in my eyes every time I read about "holding your baby for the first time" or "hearing the baby's first cry after the mucus is cleaned out of her nostrils and stuff."  I'm actually getting pretty emotional right now just typing this.  If y'all thought I was an emotional wreck before, you should see me now.  It's insane.  I can't believe what I will cry over.  I cry if Chase leaves me for five minutes to take a shower.  I made the mistake of watching Life is Beautiful when it appeared on television.  No one was around so I could cry as loud as I wanted to and I'm sure the neighbors heard me.  I just couldn't control myself.  So lets just say I am in a state of terrified bliss if that is at all possible to explain.  I am so excited but absolutely freaked out.  That would explain the hyperventilation mixed with tears.  Geez, all those years of studying human behavior have totally paid off!  I must be some sort of genius that I just diagnosed my own freaking problem. 

 

So yesterday was my 1st wedding anniversary and because it was a Sunday, Chase and I decided to celebrate the night before by going to the symphony.  I forgot how much I love getting all gussied up and going out on the town.  San Diego is so charming at night and being in Symphony Hall was just what I needed to feel a little less frumpy with these extra 35 pounds.  It was spectacular even though Chase and I nearly fell asleep at the end because I'm prego and he ran another Iron Man that day.  We were a sad sight, I waddled in as he supported me with his limping body.  Poor kid.  It's hard to see him so fit and tan while I weigh more than him, yes that's right, I weigh more than Chase now.  That's what I get for marrying a little guy.  When we got home we turned on Frank Sinatra and danced in our living room.  It was wonderful and just proves that you don't have to have a lot of money to have a memorable anniversary.

 

 

I am in nesting mode (even though I don't feel like cleaning one bit which I've heard is one of the characteristics) and want to get everything ready for our little bundle of joy.  I've decided that I want to have diaper bags like I have purses and switch them out with whatever I'm wearing so I bought one with red in it too to wear on my red days.  Chase has a plain black one.  I guess we are all set on diaper bags.  I even got a diaper cake at my ward shower and the little diapers are so stinking cute because of their itty bitty size.  I can't get over how little they are when they are first born.  I am so excited!

 



I am going to go finish reading Baby Wise now and try to get my prego brain to understand all it's concepts.  So is it feed, sleep then wake time, or feed, wake time then sleep?  Hopefully it will all fall into place once Sadie arrives and my motherly intuition will kick in.  I hope I hope I hope. 

About the pictures.  Above is my ugly nursery because I haven't finished it.  In the picture I still have some strange things lurking around.  Like for example.  I watched someone's kid the other day and she needed to take a nap so I put a queen size bed sheet around the mattress and I just bought a crib skirt.  I'll post a picture of the finished product when it's all done.  Also don't mind the dog food looking meal I'm eating.  It's whole wheat pasta and I hate it, but it's for Sadie and all that jazz.