Wow!! I had myself fooled if I thought this was going to be easy. The first couple of weeks with Jack home were pretty mild considering my parents were in town and Sadie always had someone to play with. Then they left and lets just say it's been a very interesting two weeks. Sadie has literally turned into a person I don't even recognize. Instead of sleeping in her bed, she sleeps on the floor right by her door. Instead of going to the bathroom after her afternoon nap, she wets her pants. The other day she even left me a little surprise on the carpet in her room. The worst part was she sounded excited when she yelled down to me "look Mommy, green poo!!"
I of course have no idea what to do. She has totally regressed and I feel like all my hard work getting her potty trained is going down the drain. She has also decided to be extremely disobedient and aggressive against me. I am actually happy that she hasn't lashed out against Jack. I guess if I have to have a little monster in the house I'd rather it be scaring me. For example, the other day while I was feeding Jack (most of these lovely incidences occur while I'm feeding Jack) and she told me she was going to spit her juice on the couch. I told her not to (maybe I should have told her to do it...reverse psychology?) and she looked right at me and spit juice all over the couch. I of course couldn't jump up and put her into time out because I was feeding Jack. She's a smart little cookie because she knows I am powerless once I start nursing. She will pound on her door and scream until she eventually falls asleep on the floor every night at about 10:00 after we put her to bed at 8:00. She comes into our room at 5:00 a.m. in search of her "genta bibi" (magenta binki) or to tell us it's "summertime" (her version of wake time). Chase and I are exhausted because at 5 we finally have Jack back to sleep after he's already woken up twice that night. Did I mention that she usually wakes Jack up when she comes in at 5 a.m. I've heard from Sadie about ten times a day "sorry Mommy, I won't do it again..I promise" and then goes right ahead and does "it" again. How do you explain to a 3 year old about integrity and telling the truth? Do you think she would understand what "crying wolf" means? I thought three years was a good gap but I'm starting to think that we should have introduced Jack to her when she was younger, that way she wouldn't really know what was going on. I really hope this is just a phase and that she will get better. Our first week was manageable but week two just about did me in. All of the plans I had made for Sadie fell through so she was bored stiff. Monday was such a horrible day once Chase got home I was in tears. I was so offended by the way Sadie was treating me that I completely lost it. My sweet little girl has turned into a monster!! 
Luckily Chase has taken a leave of absence from work to study for the bar so we all went swimming the next day which helped a little but I still fear the week he leaves for California to take the bar. I don't know how I'll manage Sadie. Jack seems to be the easy kids these days. Hopefully by the end of this month I'll have everything under control and Chase can leave knowing that all three of us will be alive when he returns. If you have any advice I'd love it. Now is the time to give it to me straight.
Luckily Chase has taken a leave of absence from work to study for the bar so we all went swimming the next day which helped a little but I still fear the week he leaves for California to take the bar. I don't know how I'll manage Sadie. Jack seems to be the easy kids these days. Hopefully by the end of this month I'll have everything under control and Chase can leave knowing that all three of us will be alive when he returns. If you have any advice I'd love it. Now is the time to give it to me straight. 
4 comments:
Oh Abby, my heart goes out to you. I had just about all the exact same feelings you are having with our baby #2 (and ours are 21 months apart and it was just the same, it would be hard no matter what). The first 8 weeks are going to be rough, lots of moms told me that, and I completely agree. The baby won't be the hard one, it's the toddler. Poor Sadie just can't possibly understand but, in time you'll be nursing less often and she'll get more used to sharing you. Here's my advise 1)Just make it through right now, it is going to get better and better all the time 2)Ask any nearby friends to let Sadie come over and play for a couple hours, she'll do great to get out of the house. 3)Try to give Sadie some good one on one time when Jack naps everyday. I really know just how you are feeling. It is so hard that first while but, in one or two months you'll all be doing great together!
Two books (to read with Sadie) that helped in our house:
Darcy and Gran Don't Like Babies by Jane Cutler
and
Julius, the Baby of the World by Kevin Henkes
Doesn't a good book (sometimes) make it all better?
Emi Dalton Edgley
Abby - I took off my child therapist hat this afternoon after seeing many children and their parents in the office today. Here is what I would recommend. Continuing to put up boundaries and letting Sadie know that she is important enough that you will continue to ask the same of her as you did before. Boundaries actually feel good to children because they know exactly what is expected and it will help children regulate their emotions when they are acting such as Sadie. You can have special mother-daughter and/or father-daughter time each day - even 5 minutes is important. Often starting or ending your day with this special time reinforces to the child that you "get" what they need - your time and empathy. You can also have a special box of Sadie toys (a few new toys that you buy) that you keep in the closet that you bring down during this one-on-one time - toys that only are brought out during your "special" play time and the play time is best on the floor. Finally - model through your empathy. Empathize with how you think she is feeling and help her to label her feelings so she can develop an emotional vocabulary as opposed to oppositional behavior where she is trying to communicate something but does not know how to. Sadie you seem Angry - as a statement rather than a question. She will tell you if you have given an inaccurate label. You have challenged her thinking by bringing another baby in the house. Just giver her hope that she can express herself and feel better because you understand what she is going through - give her the language tools "happy, sad, angry, jealous, scared, etc" so that she can express her inner experience rather than act it out. There are more behavioral modifications you can work on. Try a few of these ideas and see what happens. She needs to feel that her emotional needs are understood and also what you truly expect of her and that by following through consistently with consequences AND empathy that she is still valuable in your eyes. Good luck - I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS!
Abs,
I remember feeling the exact same when Lizzie was born. It is so hard because you can't give Sadie or Jack 100% and don;t even think about meeting your own needs. I remember that the hardest part was breaking up the play time with Annie to fix Lizzie's binky or get her up form a nap, or nurse, or put her down. It get's easier when you just STOP FEELING GUILTY. I had to tell myself that I'm busting my buns to play with and take care of these kids. I can't do any more. It's not like your sitting on the couch having "Abby time". You're running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. We just had our 3rd on May 28th and so far I think it's easier than 2 because I know not to feel so darn guilty. Just know, it really does get easier. Sooner than later. Also, it really helped us to get out of the house at least every other day. We'd hit the road around 10:00 and go to the park or zoo. The beautiful thing was that Lizzie was guaranteed to nap in her infant carrier and I got some good 1 on 1 with Annie. It was usually Lizzie's best nap of the day.
Love you Abs!
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